Horses Hate Me

I’ve never been much of a horse person. I never asked for a pony as a child. As for My Little Pony, I think I had like, two of them. And they played second fiddle to my Barbies any day. I dreaded the times when I would have to accompany my cousin Lindsay to the stables where she rode competitively when we were young. Once when I was a kid, my dad hoisted me up on a random horse at one of our farms (no saddle, no riding professional around, no nothing) and it bucked me right off. Talk about great parenting.

One time, I did bond with a horse during a fraternity mountain weekend in college. But obviously, it was because of the booze.

That being said, I was mildly excited to see Cavalia: Odysseo on opening night last week. When Cavalia was in town in 2010, I actually worked on the account at 360 Media, and while I did enjoy the show, I saw it about four times too many and would actually hear the music in my sleep while dreaming that I was a horse-riding acrobat. Ok, that part wasn’t so bad.

I was more excited to take Chesley because she’s a crazy horse person. She like, brought her horse to college. And I think he had a more extensive application process than she did. So the day I got the invite in the mail, I immediately texted her with “Mark your cali, gurl!” and she wrote back “Neigh!”

Just kidding, she wrote “Yay!”

So we went. And let me just tell you…I was blown away. This show is incredible. I swear the horses had more pep in their step this time around. They had a whole new troupe of acrobats (little men from New Guinea who could each do 587 backflips in a row). The music was different (thank goodness). And the special effects were on a totally different level than the last show–not even comparable. Oh, and there was pole dancing (sorta). Let’s just say the Cavalia girls would give the fine ladies at The Pink Pony a run for their money. (See what I did there?)

Afterward, we got to tour the stables. I had my eye on one specific horse during the show that I wanted to say hello to. While I knew these animals didn’t really warm up to me, I was hoping since I had such a newfound love for them, maybe the feelings would be mutual.

Of course, they loved Chesley.

What…a showoff.

And I’m pretty sure if I got that close to a horse, it would bite my face off. Not try to make out with me. But I went over to one anyway and tried my luck.

Just as I suspected. No love.

I saddled sidled up to another stable and before I could even get my talking-to-animals voice ready…

Even a horse named Nugget wouldn’t give me the time of day. What an ass.

That was it. I wasn’t going to get turned down anymore. I get enough of that in my romantic life.

Even though I got dissed by every horse in the stable, I still highly recommend the show. Actually, I think the quote they used in the Cavalia ad that ran in the AJC was “It would be a crime to miss this show”…..

Yeah…I was quoted. Kinda’ a big deal.

But I still can’t get a horse to acknowledge me.


Recommend this story for a free horse (maybe).


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3 Responses to “Horses Hate Me”

  1. Jennifer says:

    OMG – I LOVED that show, it was amazing! and love those jeans you were wearing in mtn weekend???

  2. Allison Rizk says:

    I almost choked laughing at this one. The pictures are priceless. I really need to go see Cavallia.

  3. Ashley says:

    Ahhh! I was wondering if someone was going to comment on my jeans! I mean…I don’t even know. Allison, yes def. go see it!