I have to show my license A LOT.  All my credit cards say “SEE ID!!” in big, black letters on the back  because I’ve lost so many cards in my lifetime, so I have to whip it out (that’s what he said) every couple days.  And, I cringe every time I do.  Here’s the story of how my friends caught a glimpse at the heinous photo and how I realized (yet again) that I’m a total idiot.

A group of us were at dinner at Nakato one night, and the server asked to see all of our IDs.  “Ugh, I hate whipping this thing out,” I mumbled under my breath.  Chesley heard this sentiment and took the opportunity to out me, forcing me to pass the horrific license around the table.  Talk about…a best friend.

You ready for it?

……

Ok, fine….

…….

Boom.

What….a head shot.

“Why do you look so pissed!?” everyone asked.

“Because it’s illegal to smile in your license picture,” I explained.

Cue: half a second of bewildered silence followed by hysterical laughing.  Ok, apparently everyone didn’t get the memo, I thought.   I tell them that our friend Emily told me it was a new law that you couldn’t smile in your license picture.  Cue: second laughter eruption.  At this point, everyone concludes that Emily has just played an awesome prank on me and the focus turns back to more important matters (ie. drinks).   Eff this.  I am going to pull up the G-chat tomorrow and show everyone how I was duped.

I get to work the next morning and immediately start scanning my old Gmail chats.  I find this one between Emily and me:

me: i need to get a new license.  i lost mine.

Emily: You just have to bring in your birth certificate or passport and they can give you another – I just went down there and it was really fast

me: oh ok cool

Emily: yeah i needed a new photo desperately so that’s why i went down

me: ugh me too. mine was hein

Emily: um mine was from when i was 15 and my hair was in pigtails

me: HA! which DMV did you go to?

Emily: fulton, the one right by turner field

me: oh good that’s where i was going to go

Emily: yeah took me maybe 15 mins

me: sweet

Hmmmm.  Did I make this whole thing up? Am I really officially losing it? Then, I remember another conversation I had with my best friend, Corey, who lives in Virginia.  I do another scan and come across this:

Corey: so you will be happy to know that I’m finally getting a new license but VA just passed a law that you can’t smile in the pics. what…a joke. i wait 10 years to get a new pic and now i can’t smile.

me: what?!!?  what is that about!?  I have to go get a new license too

Corey:  its BS.

me: wow

Whooooopsiiiieeeee. Looks like I mixed up the conversations in my head. What…a shocker.  This is not the 1st, 2nd or 30th time I have done something stupid like this and most definitely won’t be the last.  I just hate that I have to be reminded of it every day until I lose this license.  “Just go get another one,” you say?  No thanks – I would rather have a super-awkward blind date with a dude half my size wearing an Ed Hardy shirt then set foot inside the Penitentiary of Motor Vehicles in Downtown Atlanta.

I considered ending this story here, but thought I would share another gem of a license photo:  Corey’s.

So, there you have it.  Virginia is no longer for lovers.  Virginia is for people who look like serial killers in their license photos.

Cheers! Cheese!