As the new year came upon us, I noticed a lot of Facebook posts, heard a lot of comments, read a lot of news articles, etc. about how badly 2009 SUCKED for most people.  I get it.  The economy was in the shitter, Atlanta had a massive flood and so many people lost their jobs.  It wasn’t good.  I definitely wasn’t ballin’ or jet-setting, but I thankfully held onto my job and overall, had a pretty good year, and even when things sucked…they were still pretty funny.  So I decided to do my year in review.  Read on…it might just make you feel better about your own year.

JANUARY

Get that cookie out of my face, b*tch!: I did the Arden’s Garden two-day cleanse.  If you’re not familiar with it, you just drink  the Arden’s juice mix for 2 days.  No food.  Somehow, I got through it and tried to stay away from as many people as possible, so “hungry bitch” didn’t surface.  If I skip meals….it can get ugly.  When I was 12, I kicked everyone out of my birthday party because I had skipped breakfast.

The day after the cleanse, I went to Souper Jenny and ate my face off.  And, then felt slightly nauseous.

Blame it on the Goose: I met up with my ex for a concert in Athens and accidentally kissed another guy in front of him.  Key word: accidentally.  Granted, we were broken up, but still probably not the best idea.  He’s probably going to read this.  Oops.

FEBRUARY

What…was I thinking?: Febuary 4, 2009 was a day that will go down in history.  I got my dog, Dewey.  He was found in my ‘hood and another family was keeping him temporarily, hoping someone would claim him, but they were going to have to take him to a shelter if no one came along. I agreed to “foster” him until I could find him a good home.  What…a joke.  Within 5 minutes of picking him up, I had named him Dewey and from that moment on, he was mine.  He is both the love of my life and the bain of my existence.  Ok, I’m only half-serious about the “bain of my existence” part.  Well….maybe a little more than half.

My Funny Valentine:     Chesley and I spent Valentine’s Day together at Cellar 56.  We filled out a card with the date of “our anniversary” and we received a certificate in the mail the following week for a free bottle of wine.  What…a couple.  We also got pretty drunk.  And, I ran 8 miles the next day.  How? I don’t know.

MARCH

“There better be a bagel and a beer at that finish line”: I ran my first race ever…and it happened to be a half-marathon.  I finished in 2 hours and 6 minutes and was VERY happy with that.  My best friend, Cory, even came down from Delaware to run with me.  My only regret is that I missed Kate Thacker, who was out cheering for us on the sidelines that day, because I heard she almost got escorted off the course for public intoxication.  We had brunch after the race and convinced the manager to give us shots before the legal serving time of 12:30 p.m., using “We just ran 13 miles – cut us a break!” as an excuse.  Hmmm….I might consider using that again, now that I think about it.

That’s right.  It was 50 degrees and Cory was wearing a sleeveless shirt, running skirt with NO leggings underneath, and her hair was in some sort of cornrow-esque ‘do.  What…a badass.

I still run, but I haven’t run farther than 4 miles since the race.  Just call me a one-run wonder.

I also purchased my first onesie this month…and knew it wouldn’t be the last.  When I find a trend I like, I tend to go overboard.

APRIL

Facebook Fools Day:    On April 1, I changed my Facebook status to “engaged,” found a stock image of an engagement ring on a female hand and made it my profile picture, and told my mom and a  few select friends to post “Congratulations!” messages on my wall.  And people…came…out….of….the woodwork.  People started calling, texting, BBM’ing, calling my mom, and even emailing my best friends asking why they didn’t even KNOW I was dating someone.  My two cousins that I don’t see that often even posted messages on my wall.  I started to feel bad for a second…but then shook it off.  It was truly hilarious.  I didn’t have a boyfriend at the time and couldn’t even remember the last time I did.  How could people honestly believe I was on my way to married life?  Apparently, everyone on Facebook was drunk that day.  Which I fully support.

Emotionally Taxing: I tried to do my taxes online…by myself…..while drinking wine….on the night April 14.  What…a mistake.  I may or may not have called my dad half-drunk and crying.

My mother, my pimp: My mom and I spent a mother-daughter weekend in Charleston and she tried to pimp me out every chance she got.  My mom has been been happily married to my dad for 31 years, but I know she tries to live vicariously through me (ie. force me to flirt with every seemingly available guy within my age range).  Yet, somehow, I’m still single.  You keep trying, Mom!

MAY

Adios, Amigo: May 5, 2009 was the 2-year anniversary of the day Chesley and I became friends.  We celebrated at East Andrews on Cinco de Mayo with friends, and of course, Patron shots.  I also had a guy meet me there whom I had given my number to a couple weeks prior, but didn’t remember what he looked like.  He showed up, came over to my friends and me, and within 5 minutes, I knew I had to make an excuse and bolt.  So, I fled the building…to Rio Grande.   I hope he doesn’t read this.

From Top to Bottom:   My friend Becca turned 30 and we celebrated with a night at the rooftop bar at W Downtown.  I am still surprised I didn’t fall into the pool as I was showing off my best Beyonce moves close to the water’s edge. When Chesley and I decided we’d have one vodka soda too many and needed to hit the road, we decided to take the stairs…down 16 flights.  Somehow we ended up in the kitchen and got (not so) politely escorted out…and they didn’t even give us a snack.  F*ckers.

I purchased my second and third onesies.

JUNE

Won’t you be (more than) my neighbor?: I had a brief “fling” with a neighbor that will remain nameless .  The Daily Candy Lexicon refers to this as a “locationship.”  Learn it. Live it.  This is also when I found out that Dewey is a complete cock block.

Not, AGAIN!?:      My purse was stolen one night while I was at an event at the W Midtown.  Although, we all know when I say something is stolen, it usually just means I lost it.  Sigh.  Strangely enough, it was the Hobo clutch that I bought to replace the Hobo clutch I lost in Summer 2K3 when I passed out in a bush.  But, that’s a story for another time.

Dude, where’s my car?: I went out with a group of friends and my friend, Foley, was wearing the most heinous shirt I have ever seen with Scion logos all over it.  We used this to our advantage and somehow convinced people (as in, a LOT of people) in Hand-in-Hand that we were running a Scion promotion and were going to be giving a car away at the end of the night.  We had them “sign up” by giving us their names and phone numbers on a dinner napkin.  You don’t think people really bought it?  Well, think again.  Either they were drunk or we were just really convincing, but half of the people in that bar that night thought there was a chance they could be winning a car at the end of the night.  Oops.

Poor girl.

I also may or may not have gotten kicked out of Hand-in-Hand that night for calling someone names…that may or may not have been the bouncer.  So, I went next door to Neighbors.

I bought my fourth and last onesie…for the year.

Stay tuned for Part 2.  During the first 6 months of 2009, the train was just coming off the tracks.  The last 6 months:  there’s gonna be a wreck.