Tomorrow, I am leaving to go on a trip to a completely remote area of California where I will be camping (never done it before), hanging out with llamas (how llovely) and driving some of the twistiest, most intense roads in the country (in a Ford Focus).  Oh, and I won’t have a cell phone.  Or computer.

This is not a joke.

Let me begin.

A few weeks ago, I was reached out to by the editor at GO Magazine (AirTran’s inflight) to do a story on the Lost Coast of California. This is straight from the editor’s mouth:  Our idea is to send someone who is super “plugged-in” without a cell phone, computer, etc. and have them write about the experience.

What…an idea.

The thought made me nauseous, but I knew I had to do it.  I convinced the editor that I WAS their girl and not only have I never been without a cell phone for more than a few hours at a time for the last 10 years, but I have never even been to California, my idea of “outdoorsy” is laying on the beach, and I rarely engage in activities that don’t involve drinking, being around people and constant stimulation (no, not THAT kind, sicko).  So, they gave it to me.  I think they knew they didn’t have a choice.

The past few weeks has involved a lot of research on my part and feelings of excitement mixed with total fear.  First of all, I have never gone on a trip by myself.  Why not?, you ask.  Because I have never wanted to.  I am the ultimate people person and when I don’t talk to anyone for a few hours, I start to feel anxious.  I got a cell phone when I was 16 and have been attached to my mobile device ever since.  One time, my phone died on a rafting trip (read: drowned) and I activated an old phone just to get me through the night until I could make it to Verizon the next day.  I’m seriously THAT bad.  Although, in my defense, I think I was waiting for a text from a crush that night.

The last time I “camped” (read: slept outside) was in 2K2 when I passed out on my aunt and uncle’s chaise lounge on their screened-in porch because I couldn’t find my way to my bedroom.  The last time I went “kayaking” was on Spring Break 2K3 in the Bahamas when Alex and I paddled out in the water a few hundred feet just so we could feel like we were taking advantage of our resort’s “free water activities.”

Oh, wait, here I am being outdoorsy! (in the pink)

So what if that was just in Andrea’s parents’ backyard for 4th of July?  They live in Alpharetta, which essentially is the wilderness, and we WERE making food over a fire.

In addition to camping and kayaking, I’ll be hiking black sand beaches, touring organic gardens, staying at a totally remote B&B RIGHT on a cliff, and yes, going on a llama trek.  At one point, I thought I was actually going to get to RIDE a llama, but unfortunately, that is not the  case. Womp womp.

If my llama isn’t wearing tassels, I want my money back.

I also get to take a tour of the Lost Coast Brewery.  Funny, that was the first thing I booked when planning.

I honestly don’t know how it’s going to feel to be across the country from my cell phone.  I will fly to San Fran, pick up a rental car, drive 5 hours up to Eureka, CA to start my trip, then continue down the coast….all sans mobile device and internet.  It’s going to be QUITE an experience.

What if I meet a guy?  Is he going to have to leave a message for me at the front desk of my hotel…or my campsite?  How does that work?

I’m sure I’ll have a friend get engaged while I’m gone, and she won’t be able to reach me.  What will she do?!

What am I going to do when I look that llama right in the face and can’t take a mobile upload of him for Facebook?

What am I going to do when I’m dining alone and can’t pick up my phone and text (or pretend to)?  Twiddle my thumbs?  I’m worried I might just keep drinking to keep my hands busy!  Just kidding – this isn’t that kind of trip.  Or is it?

Am I going to come back a changed woman, throw out my Blackberry and stop showering?

I guess only time will tell.  Make your predictions now.

Oh, and Dewey will be living it up at Greendog if you need to reach him – the ONLY place I would trust with my monster for a whole week without being able to check in constantly.  Go over and play with him if you want, but no treats.  He needs to lose a few L B’s.

You’ll hear from me next week….that is, if I make it out alive.

Cheers!