I can’t believe I haven’t updated this blog since April 19th.  And, it’s May 2.  I feel like a total failure.  Well, at least in the blog department.  Everything else in life, I feel pretty good about.  The truth is, A LOT has been going on with me.  I moved from Brookhaven to Inman Park, so that has been consuming my life since I got back from the Cali wilderness because I literally had a week and a half to find a place.  Luckily, the apartment gods were smiling on me and I found a badass place right on North Highland and  right down the street from Kate Thacker.  I know what you’re thinking:  “Well, there goes the neighborhood.”  And, you’re right.

In addition, some things have changed professionally that have made things a little crazy in my life, but I’ll announce that this week in a separate blog post.  If you’re wondering if I’m changing career paths to become an exotic dancer…..you  might be on to something.

And, lastly, I was in Key West this past week for my cousin Scott’s wedding.  My family and I went down on Tuesday afternoon and stayed until Sunday, so it was a full week of complete debauchery.  I am actually in the Ft. Lauderdale airport right now, writing this to try to distract myself from the serious post-vacation depression and anxiety setting in.  It was the best week EVER.  All the family and friends from both sides were effing awesome and I feel like I have 10 new BFFs.  The close family and friends all stayed at the same hotel – we had it reserved from Thursday – Sunday, so that was a party at all times.  My favorite part was that the door to my room opened right out into the pool area, where everyone would eat breakfast.  So, that means I would stumble out hungover each morning to get water and some sort of carb and everyone would get the pleasure of seeing me at my best.

The room in that awesome locale wasn’t our original room, but my cousin Lindsay and I switched rooms with  my parents.  And, we made a video about it that I’ll upload this week.

We went to Irish Kevin’s 3 out of the 5 nights we were there and I was 110% OK with that.  Highlights from the first night included the drunk groom giving wedgies to his bride-to-be and me giving the bartender my phone number on my receipt at the end of the night.  He didn’t call, so I’m going to chalk that up to my handwriting not being legible.  Which, I think we all know is possible.

The rehearsal dinner on Thursday night was at Kelly’s and it was a blast and, of course, open bar.  My family got to give a speech, which meant I got to get a hold of the mic, so that night was a definite success.  We went to Irish Kevin’s AGAIN, and highlights from that night included my brother Matt chugging a Guinness as fast as anyone that worked at the bar had ever seen.  He basically got a standing ovation and I felt like a proud mother, er, sister.  My mom has the picture of this on her camera, which means, if we ever do get to see it, it will probably be 6 months from now.   Also, that night, I was walking home from the bar and realized I didn’t have my purse, so I dragged the person I was walking with back to the bars with me, only to finally find it sitting on a ledge on the street.  I had just set it down.  In plain view for anyone to take.  Don’t even ask.

Friday was a pig roast at the hotel pool, where the bartender was making the strongest drinks I had ever had.  I tasted Matt’s vodka and cranberry first and thought maybe she was just pouring liquor based on size of the person, but nope.  My vodka soda was just as strong.  All I can say is:  you go….girl.  All of the family and friends were in town at this point, so it was the most fun night of the trip for me.  Matt squeezed into an apron and even did the carving.

The actual pig is covered up at this point as I don’t want to offend any serious pig lovers (if those even exist).  You’re welcome, PETA.

We headed to Irish Kevin’s for the third time, where I was greeted by the bartender with an “Ashley!  Do you remember me from last night?”

“Of course!” I lied.  Then, I got nervous that I did or said something crazy to him.  “Actually, wait, what happened?”

“Well,” he said.  “You were really sweet at the beginning of the night, then you got really mean.”

“Well, that sounds about right.  I’ll have a double vodka and soda, please.”

This night was another shitshow because EVERYONE had gotten in town, which includes Scott’s friends, many of which can only be described as “wild animals.”  Of course, I had to chug a car bomb with them just to show that I could hang, and I didn’t even spill that much on myself.  Someone did tell me I had a car bomb mustache afterward, though.  I obviously didn’t wipe it off right away because that’s just plain sexy.  And, I think we all know that, as a single girl with lots of hot single guys around, I was on the prowl.  See excerpt from Thanksgiving entry, highlight #1 HERE.

Did I indeed find a victim?  Yeah, I guess you could say so.  But, I’d rather not get into that right now.

The wedding was the best wedding I’ve ever been to.  The ceremony and the reception were both at the Hemingway House, that the bride’s mother manages.  The ceremony (performed by a friend that got ordained), was short and sweet, the food was amazing, the bar was open and the music was fab.  Scott and Ashli are the perfect couple, are so in love, and we couldn’t be happier for them.  It WAS effing hot, but at least I got to wear a dress (unlike the groomsmen that were sweating their balls off), so I won’t complain.

Here’s the wedding party on the balcony of the Hemingway House right after the ceremony.  My mom has better pics on her camera, so you know what that means.

If you know anything about the Hemingway House, you may know about the six-toed cats that roam the place.  I love it.  It looks like this guy is wearing a mitten.

This blog post sure makes it seem like we just drank and partied the whole week.  I mean, we did, but we did other things, too.  We went out on my uncle’s boat, The Fever, and when I asked the boat captain, Buddy (who later would become my BFF), if I could get a Fever tee shirt, he informed me that they “only had smalls left, no larges or extra-larges).  W….TF.  I later learned that he was just messing with me…at least, I think so.

He’s not in this picture.  He was probably hiding from me after the tee shirt comment.

I’ll leave you with a photo I took of the sun setting at Mallory Square one night.  Apparently, my BlackBerry has a “pink” setting I didn’t know about.

So, basically, in conclusion, Key West is the best place on earth and it’s even better when you can spend the time with crazy friends and family.  Has my depression/anxiety subsided a little after writing this?  A little.  But, it just shot back up when I got this BBM from Lindsay who’s on another flight:  “Holy shit, there must be a sports team on our plane!  Tons of hot young meat in suits!  What…a sausage fest.”

I just can’t win.