Dewey Beach: Dews and Dew-Nots

Last year, I wrote a blog entry about my Hesscapades in Dewey Beach (holy $hit, have I really had this blog for a year now and am still not famous yet?), but this year, I decided the 5-day Dewey vacay would be told best through photos and some “insider tips.”   Dewey is hands down my favorite place on Earth (hell, I even named my dog after it) and while I don’t want it to turn into a major tourist destination overrun by douchebags and douchettes, I do advise everyone to make the trip at least once in your life.  Just remember the Dews and Dew-nots.

DEW…start the weekend with some of the best nachos on the planet from Nalu.  I consider myself a nacho connoisseur (is that just code word for fat ass?) and these are definitely in my Top 5 Of All Time.

Yes, those are the signature pickers creeping in.

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DEW NOT...attempt to pick up guys on the beach if you plan on stuffing a loaded hot dog in your mouth while wearing a bikini.

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DEW…Play SHOT LOTTO at Grotto’s with Snaggle, Grotto’s star bartender.

Game Rules:  From the cups marked “Liquors” and “Mixers”, 3 people choose a slip of paper – 2 liquors and 1 mixer.  Snaggle will mix up the shots and then you will take them and try to keep them down.

I guess in this case, Chianti was the “mixer”….?

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DEW NOT…let Snaggle convince you to play DOUBLE SHOT LOTTO.

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DEW...order magnums of champagne at the Starboard on Suicide Sunday (ie. all-day drinking fest that commences at approximately 10am) and utilize the celery stalks from the world-famous Bloody Mary Bar as “celery luges.”

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DEW NOT... try to grab my (or any other fiesty girl’s) champagne bottle or she WILL bite your hand.

The “victim” after I released his hand:  “has she had all her shots?!”

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DEW…prepare yourself for 16-ouncers all weekend long at ALL the bars.  These ain’t your grandma’s drinks (unless your grandma is an alcoholic).

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DEW NOT…leave your late-night pizza plates under the bed (unless you like the smell of garlic and old cheese in the morning).

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DEW...spend every sunset at the Lighthouse or the Lighthouse Cove with a double Ruby Red vodka cocktail in hand.

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DEW NOT…compliment this Lighthouse Cove bartender’s mustache.  Yes, that’s the one-and-only Matt Hesseltine, the biggest person in Dewey (and clearly, an aspiring Mexican porn star).

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DEW...take sake bombs at one of the swankiest restaurants in town (well, technically in Rehoboth Beach), The Cultured Pearl.

Preferably with your dad (who kinda resembles the Most Interesting Man in the World, right?)

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DEW NOT...miss the table completely at beer pong or you will have to do 10 push-ups.

Look…at that form.

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DEW…violate the characters in the wall murals at Starboard.

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DEW NOT…get eaten by a shark.

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DEW…feel free to regress back to college spring break, be it with a triple kiss, beer funnel, or heck, just drinking well vodka.

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DEW NOT...plan on recovering for at least a week.

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And lastly…

If you DEW have a dog named Dewey and can’t bring him on vacation to his namesake, at LEAST make sure he gets to take a vacation of his own.

Photo courtesy of Greendog

CHEERS!

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  1. [...] that, Jason was a distant memory as the champagne bottles, celery luges and typical Suicide Sunday antics took [...]