Balls at the Mall

On the drive down to Miami from Tampa with my cousin and his wife, I was informed that we would be stopping at the outlets so my cousin could pick up some Brooks Brothers shirts for work. To be honest, I just wanted to get to Miami and really didn’t have any desire to get out of the car and mosey around an outdoor mall. I think a slightly bitchy, “Are you serious?” even slipped out.

They were serious.

But, as usual, I ended up finding plenty of entertainment in the short half hour we were there and regretted my previous negative ‘tude. When we walked into Brooks Brothers, I immediately started pointing and laughing at all the ridiculous outfits they put on display for men in that place. For the record, I like a guy in a pink shirt, but head-to-toe pastels are a whole different story.

Yellow pants + pink collared shirt + purple argyle sweater vest equals a HALLOWEEN COSTUME in my book. Or an Easter Sunday outfit for the Jolie-Pitt daughter that always dresses like a dude. Not a sexy ensemble for a full-grown man. And, don’t even get me started on anything that has little embroidered animals all over it.

The fratastic clothing was so intense, I could almost smell the hot Beam & Coke breath and hear the sounds of a cover band singing “Sweet Home Alabama.” It was time to get out of there. I exited the building and went on a search for bottled water.  And, stumbled upon THIS:

Yep, that’s right. Children. In hamster balls. This was something I could get on board with. If I ever decide to have children, you better believe I’m going to put them out in the backyard in giant hamster balls in an above-ground pool and let them occupy themselves all day long. I know from experience that hamsters can stay in those things for hours on end, so I’m sure children are no different. I felt a wave of relief that maybe, just maybe, I could have kids one day.

As for dating a guy that prefers pastel pants over jeans? Still not going there.

And a trip to the outlets can never change that.

*
Offended because you like dudes in head-to-toe pastels or are a dude that wears such things?  Awww, I’m sorry.  Why not subscribe anyway using the button at the top, and post a comment on how much you hate rompers?  Seriously.  I can take it.

Both comments and pings are currently closed.

7 Responses to “Balls at the Mall”

  1. Meghan says:

    Ashely ~ you know a man in pastel pants embroidered with some sort of critter is one of my main reasons for living.

    In an effort to change your mind on the subject, I think slow immersion might work. To start, I’ll talk to Benson about having his jorts embroidered with skulls & crossbones.

    You’re welcome in advance.

  2. Ashleigh says:

    Kids in hamster balls! Genius! I LOL’d for real on that one. How do they breathe? Awesome blog, Ash… pretty much everything you write I can relate to and makes me laugh.

  3. Tracy says:

    Ellenton Outlet Mall Rocks!

  4. Ashley says:

    “How do they breathe?” Wow. I just really laughed at that. And, now I’m wondering the same thing…..

  5. Ashli says:

    That is amazing. I don’t know how I missed that!

  6. Stephanie says:

    Too bad you can’t return your future children as you did Bev & Barb… J/k. But I do remember chasing them in their hamster balls down the halls of Tillman… on more than one occasion.

  7. Stephanie says:

    Ooops.. Johnstone.