Posts Tagged ‘shopping’

Balls at the Mall

On the drive down to Miami from Tampa with my cousin and his wife, I was informed that we would be stopping at the outlets so my cousin could pick up some Brooks Brothers shirts for work. To be honest, I just wanted to get to Miami and really didn’t have any desire to get out of the car and mosey around an outdoor mall. I think a slightly bitchy, “Are you serious?” even slipped out.

They were serious.

But, as usual, I ended up finding plenty of entertainment in the short half hour we were there and regretted my previous negative ‘tude. When we walked into Brooks Brothers, I immediately started pointing and laughing at all the ridiculous outfits they put on display for men in that place. For the record, I like a guy in a pink shirt, but head-to-toe pastels are a whole different story.

Yellow pants + pink collared shirt + purple argyle sweater vest equals a HALLOWEEN COSTUME in my book. Or an Easter Sunday outfit for the Jolie-Pitt daughter that always dresses like a dude. Not a sexy ensemble for a full-grown man. And, don’t even get me started on anything that has little embroidered animals all over it.

The fratastic clothing was so intense, I could almost smell the hot Beam & Coke breath and hear the sounds of a cover band singing “Sweet Home Alabama.” It was time to get out of there. I exited the building and went on a search for bottled water.  And, stumbled upon THIS:

Yep, that’s right. Children. In hamster balls. This was something I could get on board with. If I ever decide to have children, you better believe I’m going to put them out in the backyard in giant hamster balls in an above-ground pool and let them occupy themselves all day long. I know from experience that hamsters can stay in those things for hours on end, so I’m sure children are no different. I felt a wave of relief that maybe, just maybe, I could have kids one day.

As for dating a guy that prefers pastel pants over jeans? Still not going there.

And a trip to the outlets can never change that.

Offended because you like dudes in head-to-toe pastels or are a dude that wears such things?  Awww, I’m sorry.  Why not subscribe anyway using the button at the top, and post a comment on how much you hate rompers?  Seriously.  I can take it.